Glorious Broad #19: Ashley Longshore

DA BOMB
PHOTO: JAMES LETTEN

I got a crash course in Ashley Longshore one unforgettable day, sauntering into the usually sedate Bergdorf Goodman’s home floors. Mesmerized by the glitter, the color, the FUN of her mega art show — I recognized my kinda woman — and took a deep Ashley dive: Her book, You Don't Look Fat, You Look Crazy is a scream and an unapologetic feminist cry for AMBITCHION — her IG page — a consistent delight — her LIFE ... a force of nature. Loved her quote from last year: “I want to create my brand of private Jets” — now that’s an unapologetic bitch! But it ain't just bluster, baby, this is a woman of action who got real, soulful and open in our talk.

With a broad whose infamous for NOT refraining from her glorious opinions — let's get right to it...

GLORIOUS PROFESSION: International Phenomenon, Artist, Collector

GLORIOUS PERSONA: Font of Positivity, Quirky Queen, Love Giver

GLORIOUS QUALITIES: Can you say AMBITCHOUS, Colorful in Every Possible Way, Woman of Action

GLORIOUS PHILOSOPHY:

“If you want something – work for it. If you need to say something – fuckin’ say it.”


GIVE ME YOUR ONE LINE PHILOSOPHY ON THE FOLLOWING:

AGE.
Who gives a fuck?! I cant wait to be “long in the labia”

ART.
Surround yourself with art on every surface. Curate the life you want to live.

FASHION.
Fashion is a mirror to our soul — how we feel on the inside projected on the outside!

SEX. 
Get your hair snatched and bent over the kitchen counter at least once a month .... and masturbate a lot .... bump up your numbers. 

WELL ALRIGHTY! I FEEL LIKE WE MIGHT BE DONE. (we laugh)

LOVED YOUR POST ABOUT MIDNIGHT SNACKS  IN THE BUFF WHILE DANCING IN THE KITCHEN. IT JUST LOOKED SO DELICIOUS. I WAS LIKE: WHERE’S MY CHEESE?
This is why I love my life. Butt ass naked — raiding the frig for the perfect cheese, having a little cookie. Freedom. It’s the little things — right?

BUT THE BIG THINGS YOU’VE GOT DOWN! I FIRST KNEW OF YOU THROUGH YOUR KICKASS BERGDORF’S MOMENT WHEN YOU TOOK OVER — BEFORE THE WORLD CHANGED WITH COVID…
You know — you can work as hard as you want — but everybody needs a certain amount of luck. The more I put myself out there — that’s when the magic happens. It’s all about connectivity and opportunity. That Bergdorf Goodman experience was really something else. And then being in London — I did one of nine big Gucci wall art murals there. And on my way having tea with Diane Von Furstenberg.

WORSHIP!!!
My life’s incredible.

NO APOLOGIES FOR BIG AMBITION. WHERE’S THAT COME FROM?
You know what my dad says? He says “Ashley, you got a bad gene. But you figured out how to make it really marketable. And I am proud of you for that.”

And I’m like: Daddy, I got that from you

YOUR DADDY IS YOUR BRAND MAN.
Yeah. He’s awesome.

YOU ARE A SOUTHERN GIRL, RIGHT? DID YOUR MOTHER ADD TO THOSE GO-GETTER GENES 
Hell no — she did not.

“I didn’t want to be a trophy wife. I didn’t want to have to suck dick to buy a hand bag... I had to find my own way.”

YOU’RE A SELF-INVENTED GLORIOUS BROAD THEN …
For sure. I separated from my mother and I think that helped me find out what kind of woman I wanted to be. A trophy wife? Working my ass off? It’s the same way I explore things in America. Consumerism — excess — private jets – it’s a lot to contemplate. But that’s my job.

A CLICHÉ QUESTION – BUT IT IS SO GOOD WITH A BROAD LIKE YOU — WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO THE YOUNGER ASHLEY.
Stop worrying!!!

A lot of people wouldn’t know that I'm a worrier and very anxious. But I learned when I was young to take that energy and turn it into work. Even when I had no money — I could go to Home Depot, buy a piece of wood for $3, paint — and this would soothe me. I wanted to create a barrier between me and the world that felt scary.

I was raised to be this sweet southern girl and I never was that. I knew I would never fit in. I didn’t want to be a trophy wife. I didn’t want to go marry some rich man and have to suck dick to buy a hand bag. I knew I didn’t want to be in corporate life — a  cubicle — I knew that I had to find my own way.

WHAT AGE DID YOU REALIZE THIS?
Mid twenties? I was fortunate to have a father who gave me a great education but also gave me the gift of having to figure out how to take care of myself.

IS THERE AN EXAMPLE OF SOMETHING YOU HAD TO LEARN THE HARD WAY?
Yeah. Instant gratification only gets you drunk — high — or pregnant.

OH DOO EXPLAIN …
There is so much instant gratification in being an artist — I have an idea, I paint it. As I’ve gotten older, this makes me impatient with other things. I want EVERYTHING to be that simple. Having to be patient, waiting for opportunities — understanding that this is my career and not just a moment — those are big lessons to learn.

YES. AND HARD …
Well, yeah. I’ve been doing this for like 25 years.  My true success — becoming well-known — was like fuckin’ 4 years ago.

“Instant gratification only gets you drunk, high or pregnant.”

AN OVERNIGHT SUCCESS THAT TOOK 21 YEARS?
Right.  21 years to plant the seeds, and now the fruit is starting to appear. This cycle of success — it is an interesting one.

I WAS MARRIED TO AN ARTIST AND KNOW HOW PRETENTIOUS THAT WORLD CAN BE. YOU ARE SO DIFFERENT — A BREATH OF FRESH AIR!
The artists I love, collect and make — it brings me JOY. Color. Humor. Outrageousness. This is my world.

AS A TEENAGER, DID YOU KNOW YOU'D BECOME THE GLORIOUS BROAD YOU ARE TODAY?
Yes. But I knew it was going to be hard. I dreamed of living my life the way I wanted — and again these things come with opportunity and hustle and  the daily conversation of: I CAN do this. Has it been easy? Fuck no. Is it easy now? Shit no. But. Yeah. I knew what I wanted. And I am not there yet. Dammit.

WHAT'S YOUR “NEXT?" THE BIG BRANDED JET DREAM I READ ABOUT?
Well, that was a year ago. And that type of excess feels a little ridiculous now — ya know?  Now I want to have a legacy like Peggy Guggenheim. I want to leave a huge public space full of the art I have collected that defines the art that I love.

I want to continue to inspire other artists to be able to say: I’m not just an artist — I am a business person. I can go out there and represent myself. I can do this in my own way…

AND NOT GIVE THAT 50% OVER.
Fuck that. Fuck that.

After a year like this year, you really do rethink all of the crap, jets and all that shit. There is something much more important in human connectivity. And that is what art is all about. Subjectivity, interpretation, seeing that life force and if you don’t relate to it, maybe understanding someone else’s.

I THINK THAT IS WHAT GETS US THROUGH THIS PERIOD THAT WE ARE IN … WE NEED HELP GIRL.
I mean. Look. I like euphoria. I am working on a new collection right now — giant and mod — I am ready for disco balls and the new studio 54 — I'm gonna party my ass off when this thing is over — really celebrate life, feel it on a magnitude where everything feels like a belly laugh. Unfortunately, you can't be there all the time or you’d be dead.

IF YOU COULD HAVE A GLORIOUS TRIBE TO BE ON AN ISLAND WITH — HMMM — WE ARE KIND OF LIVING THAT WAY IN NYC NOW — WHO WOULD BE ON IT? IS DIANE VON FURSTENBERG ONE OF THEM? NOW THERE IS A TIMELESS WOMAN …
Oh yeah. We have an ongoing collaboration of amazing women portraits hanging in her store. There is a whole inspiration room — I just added Kamala Harris and another RBG portrait a few weeks ago.

BEAUTIFUL.
I love Diane. She is such an advocate of other women. What I don’t like is people who think just having money is the goal — that not working is the life. Having a job and having a purpose is very glorious. And when I look at someone like Diane who was married to royalty — the fact that she has continued to have her own — she is 73 now? She is still going — dealing with her company, dealing with the pandemic. Daaaamn — such inspiration.

I have positioned myself to be surrounded by women who are smart, who are teachers, and who love other women.

AND WHAT IS NICE IS — AGE DOESN’T MATTER.
Absolutely. Absolutely.

AND EQUALLY IMPORTANT IS TO LET GO OF THE BITTER ONES. LIFE’S TOO SHORT, BABY.
Anybody not rooting for you — get them out of your life immediately.

I GATHER YOU DON’T BELIEVE IN ANY EXPIRATION DATE ON CAREER, LOVE, SEX …
That would be very pessimistic. And I am very much an optimist. So. NO.

MY MOST OUTRAGEOUS OVER THE TOP FASHIONABLE SOUL BUDDY IS 82. WHO’DATHOUGHT?

THE EXPRESSION — “AGING GRACEFULLY” — I HAVE SUCH A PROBLEM WITH IT. I WANT TO ROAR THROUGH LIFE. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT TERM? ABOUT AGING?
I love where I am right now more than any other time. I think aging gracefully is about peace — so feels different — how about ageing graciously?

OOOOO THAT’S GOOD.
Yeah. I am grateful for the experiences that I’ve had — these lines on my face are from smiling — fuck all that ageist shit. Am I surrounded by people I love? Do I get to do what I want? Fuck yeah. That is all I give a shit about. 

LIVING NOW IS WHAT I WANT TO DWELL ON.  
Same.

WHAT DOES THE WORD GLORIOUS MEAN TO YOU? SINCE I DO THINK YOU ARE A GLORIOUS BROAD.
I think that even that word alone — g l o r I o u s — the way it rolls off of your palette — its orgasmic.

The other night I was having dinner at Cipriani downtown — outside — with 2 people I love very much. And. The world felt normal for a minute. We are sitting there — the little lights were twinkling — the temperature was nice — the heater — I felt so happy. That was  glorious.

“I’m not just an artist — I am a business person. I can go out there and represent myself. Givin’ away 50%? FUCK THAT!”

GORGEOUS. WHAT GETS YOUR JUICES FLOWING?
There is nothing I love more than traveling, meeting new artists, and collecting. I’m a beast when it comes to this. I just start walking up and down streets, looking in gallery windows — searching, hunting for that life force I’m drawn to.

HAVE YOU ALWAYS COLLECTED — OR SOON AS YOU COULD AFFORD IT?
My first painting cost me 400 dollars. And I have a good dad cause I said – Dad, I want this painting. And he said: Well, you need to figure out how to sell your own art so you can buy it. And I did.

It's now hanging in my bar in New Orleans.

YOU HAVE A BAR IN NEW ORLEANS?
In my living room. NO. I’d be dead if I had a real bar.

SO WHY NEW ORLEANS?
I love the wildness, the architecture, the spirit of the city.

AND WHEN THIS IS OVER?
I really want more — not that New Orleans isn’t enough – but as an artist I need London, Rome ... spending a few months there.

WHEN WE CAN TRAVEL AGAIN, YOU'LL SCRATCH YOUR WANDER LUST ITCH?
Look, I’ve Mardi Gras’ed a lot. Jazz Fest'ed a lot – eaten a fuckin’ ton of jambalaya, partied till 6 o’clock in the morning plenty. But. It’s a big world. I will continue to adore New Orleans but it’s time to continue to grow.

POLITICS COME INTO YOUR WORK — A LOT. BUT I WOULD THINK AS A CONTEMPORARY ARTIST, IT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO ENGAGE.
True — but I turned the comments off of my social media now. I get so tired of people fighting — even if opinions are good — I gotta take my power back and just put images out there.

And regardless of what you believe — we have a black woman who is about to become the vice president!

How can you not celebrate that even if you don’t believe in her politics. My god! 

IT’S TOO DAMN OBVIOUS TO ASK YOU IF YOU ARE A FEMINIST. YOUR BOOK “YOU DON’T LOOK FAT, YOU LOOK CRAZY: AN UNAPOLOGETIC GUIDE TO BEING AMBITCHOUS” IS BEYOND DELICIOUS. AND CONTINUES TO BE NECESSARY!
My feminism is — if you want something — work for it — if you need to say something — fuckin’ say it. My feminism is not waking up every day and thinking about what opportunities I don’t have and how I may not make as much money as a male artist or get undervalued when I do corporate collaborations and the things they expect me to do for free — I don’t dwell on that. I simply try to set a new precedent. Action is my cure for everything.

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IS THE BIGGEST RISK YOU HAVE TAKEN IN YOUR LIFE?
The biggest risk: I take a chance on myself every day.

I always have that inner monologue. I CAN DO THIS. And its gonna be ok. And. Even if everything goes to hell in a hand basket — I can get some crayons and a piece of cardboard — and I’ll be happy.

I CAN TELL YOU — YOU ARE SO FUCKING FIERCE. YOU WILL BE ONE OF GB’S YOUNGEST ONES BUT I AM MAKING AN EXCEPTION. I USUALLY GO 50 AND OVER.
Its an honor.

If you don’t follow her — you need to — she beats any shot of caffein — @ashleylongshoreart

Glorious Broad #16: Justin Vivian Bond

PHOTOS: CHRISTOPHER SCALZI / DISTILLED STUDIO

Hair: Paul Warren using René Furterer for Judy Casey Inc.

GLORIOUS PROFESSION: Cabaret Diva, Singer, Song-writer, Artist, Activist

GLORIOUS PERSONA: Sexy Quirkball in the Mansion Next Door

GLORIOUS QUALITIES: Sharp as a Tack, Hilarious, Randy, Mouthy

GLORIOUS PHILOSOPHY:

“Early on I realized — if I fill up a club and it makes money off the booze — they’re just happy to have me there. It’s my audience. I’m the producer.”

I was thrilled — way beyond my ability to remain cool — to be invited to the fabulous Justin Vivian Bond's “House of Whimsy” in upstate New York. We spent the afternoon on a sun drenched, delightful, cozy porch — boozing, laughing, chatting away about life, art, politics — and sex, bien sur.

JVB became a New York legend as Kiki DuRane, one half of the infamous, Tony-nominated act, Kiki and Herb. I first saw this superstar 18 years ago at Westbeth Theatre, and felt mesmerized, strangely connected to Kiki (perhaps my inner rage?) After 20 years of success, JVB (known as Viv to friends) had the chutzpah to leave the duo and rock out solo as a cabaret performer. Now free from the constraints of WWKD (What Would Kiki Do?), Justin Vivian Bond on stage is magnetic, political, hilarious and poignant — called "the best cabaret artist of their* generation” by the New Yorker, by the by.

Grab a glass of rosé and settle in for this extended chat with the very Glorious Broad, Mx Justin Vivian Bond …

WAS IT HARD FOR YOU TO MAKE THE DECISION TO LEAVE KIKI AND HERB AT ITS PEAK?
No, it was hard for me to continue with it.

WHY?
It was defining me. I have some distance from Kiki now and I still love that character. But Kiki came out of the AIDS crisis in a time when I lived in San Francisco. I was so fragile. She was a way for me to channel my rage …. it just wore me out. I either had to commit to doing it for the rest of my life, or put a complete cold stop to it. Which is what I did.

AND HERB?
He really didn’t want to do that. So. We didn’t speak for like five years.

Right after my 50th birthday, we started talking. And then, we did a reunion 3 years later.

HELLOOOO. I COULDN’T GET A TICKET!
Yeah, people loved it. The program director at Joes Pub said: “how much would it take for you to bring Kiki back.” It was shortly after I saw this house. I did my calculations. And she said “I think we can do it.”

(Laughs) And so this is the house that Kiki bought.

WAS THE CROSS OVER TOUGH? COMING OUT AS JUSTIN VIVIAN BOND ON STAGE AFTER THE BELOVED KIKI?
When we were at Fez as Kiki and Herb, I thought, ok, I’ll start performing at Joe’s Pub as Justin Bond and developing my own separate audience.

THE AUDIENCE DIDN’T DEMAND KIKI?
No. I didn’t just quit one and start the other. My fans were people that came to see Kiki and Herb because they wanted to see me being trashy.

BUT ULTIMATELY YOU WERE READY FOR A CHANGE?
Well, we took Kiki and Herb to Broadway. We headlined. We did Carnegie Hall twice. Sold out. We toured the world. So I know what it’s like to be in that place.

And you know what? It’s not really that much fun. It’s a lot of work.

TOO MUCH WORK?
I will just say that you have many people messing with you. They invest in you. And they want their money back.

SO WHAT ABOUT NOW?
Now, I just basically call all the shots.

WELL, I LOVE SEEING YOU POP UP ON COOL TV SHOWS AND EVEN COOLER MOVIES.
I love that too! And I don’t have an agent or a manager.

I’m like, yeah, I like that show. I’ll be on that show. This year alone I was on Difficult People, High Maintenance …

And the movie, Can You Ever Forgive Me ... about the woman who wrote the biography of Estée Lauder, Lee Israel. I am obsessed with Estée Lauder.

So, when I got that call, I was like, well, I just need you to know that I’m standing here talking to you from my living room, and I’m literally looking at the book Lee wrote. Because it’s on my altar.

PROVIDENCE!
So the answer is YES

“I always liked fabulous old broads. And now I am one”

SO MUCH HAS CHANGED IN TERMS OF GENDER AND HOW IT’S BEEN PERCEIVED SINCE YOU STARTED WORKING.
All these things I dreamed about when I was young just seemed so impossible. But I didn’t give up, whereas a lot of others did.

Now I see these people 20 or 30 years younger than me – and they have their entry.

I SEE YOU CALLING OUT AGEISM ON SOCIAL MEDIA, LIKE WHEN ONLY YOUNG PERFORMERS ARE CHOSEN FOR AN AWARD THAT IS CLEARLY RIGHT FOR YOU.
Yeah, it’s true. Not ok. I don’t have getting older wake up calls that a lot of other people do. I never have kids around me to go … you’re embarrassing. Stop! You’re old. Nobody’s ever said that.

NO AGE GAUGE. ME NEITHER.
We don’t have those references. And with young gay people, they want to call older trans women their Auntie or Mom or whatever. I’m like: I’m not your fucking mother, and I’m not your fucking Auntie. No, I don’t have children your age. I fuck children your age.
(We cackle)

SO WHO WERE YOUR MENTORS?
My true mentor is Kate Bornstein.

TRANS-ITION

I had been in San Francisco for less than a year, and got cast as a romantic lead in a gay musical — the sex object. I’d never been that. In college, it was all about needing to butch up. Very discouraging. Kate was at the show — and she came knocking on the dressing room door.

SHE SPOTTED THE TALENT ...
Well, she’d just written this play called Hidden A Gender. Kate wanted me to play the lead, a trans character. And I was like, (whispers) I don’t want to play this part. I was just feeling good about being a boy. I knew it was an act but I was enjoying that people were buying it.

A trusted friend told me: you’ve got to play this part. So I did. That was the beginning of this journey as a trans person. Coming to terms with all that …

WHEN DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE TRANS?
All through my teens, I prayed that I would wake up and be a woman — you know. And I didn’t want to be a trans person. I’d always been a freak, because I was outed as gay from the time I was 10 or 11. And I didn’t even know what gay was. You’re treated in that way… (whispers) I’m not gonna have to go through all that again …

WHAT DOES BEING TRANS MEAN TO YOU?
I learned so much Kate. She was a trans woman. And she was herself — a woman but more than that. We found a new way of looking at ourselves, which there weren’t really words for. We were part of that nexus.

HOW DID YOU START TO GIVE PEOPLE THE WORDS?
We toured that show to Women’s Studies groups and colleges. And we started doing talk backs. We discovered that the whole binary gender system was kind of a fraud. Because the words — being man or woman – was not enough. I feel that we definitely helped open that door.

AND NOW EVERYONE IS BECOMING AWARE — FROM TOILET SIGNAGE TO GOVERNMENT FORMS — THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD IS CHANGING.
It’s like the whole Mx thing. I started to use it. And these activists in Brighton, England checked with me to see if they could use Mx for another category. OF COURSE. Now Mx is in the dictionary!

Then I went to battle with The New York Times.

VIV VS. THE GRAY LADY

When they reviewed my book, “Tango: My Childhood, Backward and in High Heels” they talked about me being a trans throughout the article, but they called me a boy in the headline. Wha? If I’m a trans, why are you Mr. Bonding me? They didn’t get it.

WHAT YEARS WERE THESE?
2011. A lot’s changed since then.

They would continue to print stuff and get it all wrong, I’d put it up on Twitter or Instagram “The New York Times did it again!” and get immediate support. The internet’s changed everything.

Then, they did a great big profile on me in the style section. And this guy, Michael Schulman, he had to fight to change the rules of the style guide.

They now agreed to say, Justin Vivian Bond, who was born male, but who identifies as transgender and uses the pronoun …. blah blah blah. They couldn’t just use the pronoun. But that’s ok. It was a MAJOR BREAKTHROUGH.

And so the whole thing started, with Kate and I, the Style Guide in The New York Times — changing the language. We need these words. Or, therefore, the ideas don’t exist. Now the ideas do exist.

SO HERE’S A QUESTION. I MEAN, HERE YOU ARE — THIS AMAZING, GLORIOUS BROAD …
Thank you.

AS A KID, DID YOU SEE YOURSELF BECOMING WHO YOU ARE TODAY?
Totally.

TOTALLY?
Yeah, I was like, get out of my way.

And I still feel that way. I mean, that’s why I was excited about the idea of Glorious Broads — I was obsessed with those kinds of people. It was like — someday I’m going to be that.

ENTER KIKI

SO — WHAT IS KIKI’S ORIGIN STORY?
Well, I’m in my 20s, living in San Francisco, learning about politics, living in the midst of this genocide against gay men. And I’m realizing that I need to perform and be a voice for my community. The coolest, hippest, wildest people were the ones that died first — and I was not a cool, hip, radical person — but I admired them. And wanted to be one.

So one night, I realized I could create a character who could say all these things that I wanted to say as a 27 year old, but that I couldn’t really say it without sounding just like, well, how millennials sound now. I just felt like I found a way to say it that was charming. And people would listen. And I showed up as Kiki.

SO YOU PUT YOUR REAL SELF OUT THERE.
Yeah. I had to keep getting where I was going. But I could have been more challenging in retrospect — especially with my parents.

WHEN YOU DID COME OUT TO THEM?
After college. They were paying for it. So I’m not gonna fuckin’ tell them anything they don’t want to know until it was paid for!

ANY REPERCUSSIONS?
Well. My father didn’t speak to me.

AND WHEN DID THEY UNDERSTAND THAT YOU WERE TRANS?
I made it clear to them that I was trans in the early 90s. Like many straight people they tried to pretend it wasn’t so until I started on hormones when I was in my late 40s.

HOW’D THAT GO?
My father called me on Thanksgiving Day, years ago. I thought he was wishing me a happy Thanksgiving. No. He wanted me to know that he doesn’t want me to come home looking like a “fake woman.” OK. You don’t want me to come home.

Well, then he got cancer. When I got the news he was sick, I said to my sister: I’m sad that he’s got stage 4 cancer. And hope he recovers, but, I just don’t want him to die between April 21st and May 22nd, because that’s the Kiki and Herb reunion and its gonna be a lot of work — and I just don’t want him to die then. OK?

DID HE LISTEN?
May 6th, three days before my birthday and smack dab in the middle of the run.

STICKING IT TO YOU …
That son of a bitch …

DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF A FEMINIST?
Of course I am a feminist. My hope for feminism was that it would break down the barriers of gender. But when it became the “women’s movement,” it left men out. It became marketed.

But I always have been and continue to be a feminist.

“FARRAH” — WATERCOLOR BY JUSTIN VIVIAN BOND

GLORIOUS ROOTS

WHAT INSPIRED YOUR STYLE AND SENSE OF SELF?
I always liked fabulous old ladies. I was obsessed with my dad’s best friend’s mother, Mrs. Offutt. She had a three-story mansion. She lived alone, was Swedish and wore bright red lipstick — all the time. Peroxide blonde hair, thin. Very chic. And living on a shoestring. The rich husband died and his family screwed her over. She had Pekingese and English sheep dogs, a shed and a cage behind her mansion — and the inside of the house was gorgeous, beautifully furnished from better days. Two grand pianos. She liked me. She’d say things like: I think you have to be smart to not get headaches. You probably don’t get a lot of headaches, do you? “No. I don’t.” She’d get on a skateboard and go down to the middle of town when she was in her fifties … nobody did that. I wanted to be like her. And now I am.

Sleeping with inappropriate people in my big house. The kooky lady with the pink door, bringing my men out.

I LOVE IT.
I love it.

DO YOU FEEL FREER AS YOU GET OLDER?
I don’t know if I feel freer – I think the really fun people are either — just aged into not being as much fun — or they OD’d. There’s just not as many free spirits around me anymore.

ARE YOU COMFORTABLE WITH AGING?
I’m trying to be pretty upbeat about the whole thing. I mean, it’s like, how much pressure do you put on yourself? How much pressure do you put on other people to believe in your delusion about yourself? (laughing)

I don’t feel like it’s over. But I do definitely feel condescended to quite often by younger people.

WELL, LET’S GO AGELESS. I’M FREEZE DRYIN’ AT 67. IT HAS A NICE RING … PEOPLE WILL ASSUME THINGS WITH NUMBERS, AND TREAT YOU DIFFERENTLY — UNLESS WE CHOOSE TO EDUCATE THEM I’m on this app where I get all my sex. And I’m on there as 38 and you know what? If they come to all the trouble to come to your house to have sex, they don’t give a fuck.

They’re like, you’re so beautiful. Can I come over? And I’m like … maybe ….

And it just says I’m not a biological female.

That’s the first line on my thingey.

MY FINAL QUESTION IS WHAT DOES GLORIOUS MEAN TO YOU — SINCE YOU ARE A GLORIOUS BROAD?
Fully realized — as her experience allows.

That’s a Glorious Broad — because you still have to be adventurous.

I heard somebody I would have considered to be glorious say: “I just don’t get it with the ‘they’ and ‘them.’ I don’t know. I just don’t like it.”

I didn’t say anything, but I wanted to say to her: so, when was it that you decided that you didn’t need to learn anything anymore?

I don’t ever want to get to that point.

* We’ve corrected this quote to use Viv’s preferred pronouns they/them/their — People, let’s get it together with the pronouns already!

Make your day by following Mx Justin Vivian Bond on instagram @mxviv. You’ll learns lots, laugh lots, and hear where they will be performing.

Glorious Broad #13: Elizabeth White

PHOTOS: Scott Pasfield

GLORIOUS PROFESSION: Resilience Advocate, Author, Intellectual

GLORIOUS PERSONA: Stylish, Afro-Centric, Truth-Teller

GLORIOUS QUALITIES: Scrappy, Wise, Confident, Worldly

GLORIOUS PHILOSOPHY:

“Your net worth really is your network”

I love a gutsy Broad. A ballsy Broad. A brazen Broad.

And that in-your-face gumption is what drew me to Elizabeth White.

We met at The Atlantic’s New Old Age conference — and her speech knocked me flat. She talked about being jobless in her mid 50s— after havin' a HELLUVA career. But this time she was unable to “restart” — the way we ALL expect to “restart” — when your job “restructures” — aka, FIRES YOUR ASS. 

Sound familiar??? She suffered: shame, sadness, shock — and the unending grind of being BROKE AF. And then she said ENOUGH. She was sick of acting like everything is normal. Cause everything AIN’T normal. She was tired of faking it … she came clean. 

So she talked about it. She created groups about it … And she wrote about it. 

Her self-published book, 55, Underemployed, and Faking Normal, got covered by PBS, then she did a TEDTalk ... Her genius PR lady? That would be Elizabeth White. Her marketing guru — also Elizabeth White. And her updated second edition was published by Simon & Schuster in January 2019, thank you very much. 

Ebeth's commanding-yet-inviting presence projects “ask me anything.”

And so I did.

THIS QUOTE FROM YOUR BOOK SLAYED ME:
“You know me, I am in your friendship circle, hidden in plain sight. My clothes are still impeccable, bought in the good years when I was still making money. You wouldn’t know that my electricity was cut off, but if you paid attention, you’d see the sadness.”

I’VE BEEN THERE. YOU’VE BEEN THERE. SO MANY OVER 50’s HAVE BEEN THERE. TELL US ABOUT THE PAIN — THE SHAME …
I was in my mid 50s when the great recession happened. And from there, it all went downhill. The robust network — decimated. I am used to racism and sexism but now there was the new ism of age — and age discrimination changes your whole experience.

HOW DID YOU GET GOING ON YOUR “RESTART” …
I’ve had a life and career of restarts — I worked for the pillars of capitalism, then started my own Afrocentric lifestyle chain with stores in DC, Philadelphia, and NYC. But THIS was my biggest restart. When I got no traction, I got interested in starting a new career working with at-risk youth. So I did what I do: wrote letters/shook networks — NOTHING. I thought it would be a cool re-invention story …

OH! THOSE EASY-PEASY RE-INVENTION STORIES ARE TOTAL BS. REAL RE-INVENTION IS EFFING HARD WORK! SURE, IT CAN HAPPEN — BUT I’M SO TIRED OF THE BANKER TURNED PASTRY CHEF FAIRY TALE
… And when I tried to pivot and couldn't, when this latest search failed, I was in deepest despair.

Around that time I wrote an article for NEXT Avenue about what I was going through. It was then that my path to resilience was paved. It went viral.

LEAD US DOWN THIS PATH...
1.     First you’re “Fine”
2.    Then a catastrophic “event” happens (GB: like you lose your fucking job)
3.    You begin to define life “before X happened” – “after X happened”
4.    Then you wander the wilderness
5. Then – the glimmer flickers — for me, the NEXT essay

If you don’t pay attention or you become cynical — you won’t see that flicker. It’s a train coming at you — not a light at the end of the tunnel.

But I looked up — I saw the flicker — the reaction to my article showed me that I have the background, experiences, and discoveries to share a book — an inexpensive book filled with light.

AND WHAT ARE THOSE DISCOVERIES? WHAT IS THAT LIGHT?
That there is liberation in letting go and coming clean. And remember: IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. That doesn’t mean you made perfect decisions — I did a bunch of dumb things when I had money …

LETTING GO OF THE SHAME IS A BITCH …
Oh please — my Harvard MBA couldn’t make the case. And I found myself in this emotional place at 57? Double loser!

SO, WHAT’S NEXT?
Now I am interested in a bigger picture —and thinking ahead in this different financial climate. Frugal innovation, learning from developing countries, $2,000 cars, tiny houses and — always — resilient circles.

AFRICA PLAYS A BIG PART IN YOUR STORY AND HOW YOU PRESENT YOUR FABULOUS SELF TO THE WORLD …
I worked in different parts of Africa with the World Bank for 12 years. Then, I was Chief Operating Officer of an economic non-profit focused on Africa. After that I sold products from Africa for my decorative home store. So — always — Africa …

“If you don’t pay attention or you become cynical — you won’t see that flicker. It’s a train coming at you — not a light at the end of the tunnel.”

WHAT WAS A FAVORITE TIME IN YOUR LIFE?
When my family moved from Libya to Italy. I LOVED the values, the style. Late trains, who cares. But a bad risotto now that’s a disaster.  Love that about Italy. I was there from 7th to 10th grades — and I’d stop traffic. I felt so appreciated for my ethnic beauty …

ARE YOU A WOMAN’S WOMAN?
I’m going to quote Mary Pipher’s here— and say “women friends are mental health insurance.”

ANY DESIRE TO BE 20 AGAIN?
No. I think of that 20 year-old with tenderness. Vulnerable. Experimenting. I am none of those things now.

DO YOU FEEL FREER AS YOU GET OLDER?
I am standing on the cusp of possibility. And financially too. So, yes.

HAS HAPPINESS CHANGED FOR YOU?
I am not seeking happiness as much as contentment. I love my work —it’s clear. It’s certain. And I can contribute.

WHAT DOES BEING GLORIOUS MEAN TO YOU?
Glorious feels full. Present. Clear, with direction and self direction.

Now, that’s a ballsy broad who has plenty to say about resilience, living frugally and living — GLORIOUSLY.

For more truth-telling, follow Ebeth @55fakingnormal and email her at fakingnormal@yahoo.com. Unemployed and Faking Normal is available on Amazon. And it rocks.

Glorious Broad #5: Patrice Wynne

Photos by Sarah Kjelleren

GLORIOUS PROFESSION: Entrepreneur. Owner/Creator at Abrazos. Writer

GLORIOUS PERSONA: A Free, Gutsy, Jubilant Glorious Broad

GLORIOUS QUALITIES: Wise, Sensuous, Joyful, Exuberant

GLORIOUS FACT: At 60, Patrice created a list called “104 Qualities I Want in a Partner.” Friends told her "The chances of finding a man with these qualities are the same as finding a unicorn."  Two months later, she met that “Unicorn.” Six weeks later, he proposed. Like Lola, whatever Patrice wants, Patrice gets…

GLORIOUS PHILOSOPHY: “I have an internal message system now: I’m running out of decades,  I’m running out of decades. It’s pushing me to create more, dare more.” 

GB: I got to know Patrice — theoretically — over cafecito with her man, Ernesto, in Mexico. He rhapsodized about the woman: He respects her, loves her, protects her, delights in her but understands that she needs her freedom — and he lets her fly. They shared a grown up sexy love. I needed to get to know this lady as I met her briefly at a café in San Miguel. She was like a bolt of lightning aimed at me — her energy was palpable. I followed up with a visit to her boutique. Now, I am not a shopper, yet I walked out with armfuls of aprons, shirts and, well, stuff I didn’t know I “needed.” The woman has talent. We stayed in touch and became friends during her visits to New York. She loves New York as she loves so many things — with exuberance, curiosity and an urge to MAKE STUFF HAPPEN. A dinner date with the Glorious Broad Patrice Wynne featured plenty of guffawing at an outdoor café in the West Village …

A BON VIVANT — MEXICAN STYLE...

WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER, DID YOU IMAGINE YOU WOULD BE THE GLORIOUS BROAD YOU ARE TODAY?
All I wanted as a girl was to be OUT of Pennsylvania. I thought I would live in New York, instead, I live in Mexico. I have good instincts — always have — about self-preservation, having goals and following my heart. Which is WHY I live in Mexico.

YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN MOVING, MOVING, MOVING …
I moved to California when I was 19 — and to Mexico when I was 50. I’ve lived in three geographies: East coast, west coast, south of the border. So, the movement takes place mostly inside me to go where I can create. The very essence of Mexican culture is entrepreneurial. It’s alive.

HOW HAS “HAPPINESS” CHANGED FOR YOU DURING THE YEARS?
You know, I think it has been the same for me. I think of myself as naturally joyous. I love spending time alone, even though I am hugely social. When I was growing up, my happiest moments of childhood were being alone in my bedroom — drawing, making my own journals, clipping fashion photographs, reading biographies of women. I like to be in my own creative space — then, making it real in the world!  That brings me great joy. 

HULLOOOO! You created a mega successful bookstore in Berkeley, California, then you moved to Mexico at age 50 and created the boutique Abrazos. It may be embarrassingly trendy but … you visualized it girlfriend!
Well, yeah, I guess I did...I did. I did. I did.

“I am surprised about how my legs look — but they’ll look worse in 10 years — so I better enjoy them today. ”

SO, WHY MEXICO?
Moving to Mexico was the biggest risk I have ever taken. Saying goodbye to the community that I had loved in California. But I had to after I closed my bookstore in Berkeley. I could not infuse my life with a new dream until I restructured the setting I was in. When I came to San Miguel it was all about reinvention, it was about experiencing a different culture and having a totally different experience. 

WAS IT AN EPIPHANY?
It was. When I arrived in San Miguel I thought, I want this and I will do whatever it takes to live this big new dream: sell the house, get rid of accumulated stuff, put what I treasure into a van and cross the border, inner and outer, never to return again. 

TALK ABOUT A RESTART BUTTON! DO YOU FEEL A FREEDOM AS YOU GET OLDER?
Having that balance between giving to others, giving to ourselves, telling ourselves the truth, telling others the truth, managing time more wisely — not giving it away. When you do that — suddenly your body is more energized, you’re a happier person. You are having a more creative life.

HAVE YOU EVER BOUGHT INTO THAT IDEA OF AN EXPIRATION DATE ON YOUR CAREER, ON YOUR LOOKS, ON YOUR VITALITY, ANY OF THAT?
I would say on career, no. Because I am an entrepreneur at heart. If I had one penny, I would start my own business, no matter what age I was. But the physical — well, all this stuff — energy, looks, hair, body — it’s all becoming something of its own at this age. Of course, we have negative thoughts and scary thoughts. But you can’t cling to them. That’s a cancer of the brain. My wiser self knows: I am surprised about how my legs look today — but they’ll look worse in 10 years — so you better enjoy them today.

(Lots of chuckles between bites)

BRING IT ON...

Bring it on!

AND IT'S ACCEPTING ...
Yeah, and it’s not looking back. You gotta look reality in the face, and you have got to look towards the future. 

IT'S TRUE. BUT YOU'RE IN MEXICO. IT'S A VERY DIFFERENT CULTURE THERE, ISN'T IT? ABOUT BEING OLDER AND BEING ...
Well, it’s a different culture with age. There is courtesy and kindness extended towards elder people here. In San Miguel, there are a lot of older people so you are not being compared to younger people all of the time. Just the opposite. When I say to friends: “I am turning 64 — now that’s a marker” — and they say” “you’re a baby…come on…” I really have to say, it gives you a different perspective on your own age! 

SO WHAT DOES BEING GLORIOUS MEAN TO YOU?
Being fearless and free — I do love my F words: Fearless. Friendship. Freedom. Flaneur. Fashionista. Fiesta. Fun. Food.

GB: We're adding Fucking ...

Did I mention Patrice was joyful? Oh, yeah. She travels all over the Globe, writes, runs her boutique, Abrazos. Check her out at http://sanmigueldesigns.com/  or on Facebook, https://www.facebook.com/sanmiguelpatrice

Glorious Broad #2: Janis Dardaris

Photos by Leah Runyon

GLORIOUS PROFESSION: Actress

AGE: FU_AGE!

GLORIOUS PERSONA: A No Bullshit Glorious Broad

GLORIOUS QUALITIES: Brutally Frank, Hilarious, Poetic, Profound

GLORIOUS PHILOSOPHY:

“Getting older – it’s the freedom to say that I own myself – I am who I am and this is IT. I am not sure if I had it in my 40s but I definitely got it in my 50s. 50s are great.”

GB: I was at a reading for a friend’s play when I spotted this glorious lioness across the crowded room — pepper and salt mane, all rough glamor — WHO IS THAT WOMAN!!??

A couple of vodkas later at the after-theatre party, I forgot about her —  until I jumped the elevator to return home. Who was my sole companion? The lioness. It was the middle of winter but she had a bike and a ‘tude to convince me we were in the middle of a summer heat wave. I’m a biker, I love heat and the deal was sealed.

 I call Janis’s face exotic. She calls it “RBF: Resting Bitch Face.” That “look” has got her into a heap of trouble — and won her a lot of demanding roles. Big surprise: she’s an actress.

Way impressed by her brutally frank, hilarious attitude, GB shares an embarrassment of riches over a few martinis — from sex to acting to aging — from our ‘no bullshit’ Glorious BroadJanis Dardaris …

BLINDERS BEGONE
“When I first got into acting — that’s the last thing any parent wants their child to do — and I said: fuck it, I’m doin’ it. And I had blinders on for 45 years.”

“You know that thing that George Bernard Shaw said: youth is wasted on the young? I don’t agree. When you’re young, youth is all you have. The passion of youth. The beauty of youth. I was so uncertain. That’s why I put the blinders on. Now my blinders are off and I’m ... aaaaaaaaaaah ... this is such a better time of life.”

V IS FOR VULNERABLE
“I basically don’t give a shit about what people think of me.  I’m not worried about the stuff I used to worry about. I used to have this tough exterior and I wouldn’t let them see my vulnerability. That’s changed.”

“It would be really dangerous — too dangerous — if we were as smart as we are now and as self-accepting and we looked like we did when we were in our 30s. I think the world would blow up. Or, maybe it wouldn’t ...”

BE UNBORED
“I have never been attracted to a normal man, but I don’t think that I'm very attracted to normalcy. It makes me bored. I always say: beat me, do anything but don’t bore me. I am completely helpless in the face of boredom.“

“Sometimes I think about – am I gonna want to have sex in my 90s? Just because – I want to still be a life force”

BROADS ARE BUDDHIST TOO
“There is such a thing as karma. I learned that you do wrong things and it will come back to you. Karma is a real thing. I never believed it. You take from the universe and don’t give back — it is what you will sow.”

FU AGE
“Aging gracefully: mind your own business. Whose saying this: aging gracefully — as opposed to what — getting your face hacked away at? I’ve never been a particularly graceful person. I don’t like the term. It feels like I will have to keep my mouth shut and be quiet — and wise. Fuck that. We have as much passion as we ever did. And I have even more opinions.

Let’s age with a sense of humor, a sense of irony … and generosity.”

GB: Now that sounds like aging GLORIOUSLY, girlfriend!

Janis Dardaris, Actress, Acting Coach, was named a Philadelphia legend in Thomas Nickel’s book “Legendary Locals of Center City Philadelphia.” Nickels spelled her last name wrong on page 57. Janis thinks the misspelling’s kinda funny. That's the Buddhism talking.

Glorious Broad #1: Maryjane Fahey

PHOTO: CHRISTOPER SCALZI / DISTILLED STUDIO

GLORIOUS PROFESSION: Writer, Maker, Designer of — lots of stuff

GLORIOUS PERSONA: Landing on Her Feet — Yet Again — She Will Prevail!

GLORIOUS QUALITIES: Eternal Optimist, Up for a Drink, Or a Trip, Or a 50 Mile Bike Ride

GLORIOUS PHILOSOPHY:

“It is never too late. Period. End of story.”

A little bit about me, the founder of GB. I declare myself GB #1. Why not? Let’s cozy up together … shall we?

WHAT MAKES YOU A GLORIOUS BROAD?
Ummm. I’m funny. I keep it real. I'm not a spring chicken, but I'm not done clucking either. Hahaha. I love and support fabulousness. And I was a late bloomer. I’m still blooming. I think this is key to staying curious.

WHEN DID YOU GET HIP TO “THE MEANING OF LIFE" AND ALL THE POSSIBILITIES OUT THERE?
Meaning of life is a tall order but — I’m gonna say i had an “awakening” around 45. All came together. And then it exploded again. Then it all came together. See what I mean? It’s an ongoing process. It may explode again tomorrow …

DO YOU FEEL FREER AS YOU AGE?
So much so! I don’t care what the world may think about me…except for you, fellow GBs! And that took 45 years ... but hey...

“I want to see age fear mongering and rigidity about our ROLES as women become a thing of the past in my lifetime. Talk about glorious ... ”

WHAT DO YOU CARE ABOUT AS YOU GET OLDER?
Loving better. Loving my people better. Loving strangers and new friends better. Loving the earth better. Making the most of the gifts that I was lucky enough to receive. Not wasting — anything. Enjoying my ambition — but — making the time to deeply enjoy doing not much too. This is a big difference. I was a serious workaholic from 30 on. My 20’s were another whole story …

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE MOMENTS IN LIFE — LOOKING BACK?
Whenever I took a chance and followed my guts.

ARE YOU A FEMINIST?
I grew up in a matriarchy: a grandmother, mother, 5 sisters — and my poor neglected dad and brother living in one tiny house. Girls ruled. However, I saw my mother lose her power as she got older: no purpose once we flew the coop. I vowed to have a powerful, independent life at age 8. So. Yes. I am a feminist.

WHY DID YOU CREATE GLORIOUS BROADS?
This project, Glorious Broads, has been germinating in me for at least 3 decades. I cannot leave the house without meeting another Glorious Broad.

WHAT INSPIRED YOU?
My beautiful friends — some of them — are obsessed with aging. It made me sad — and frustrated. I wanted to try to open up their point of view. Make them look forward to the decades ahead with confidence, courage, grace, passion, sexiness, power, wisdom, thankfulness and wit. Let go of fear. What the fuck? Let your face match your hands please. I am NOT putting down women who get a tuck. Do your thing! I am saying – do it — but learn to do it with pleasure, not with fear …

And I want those young'uns to see the imaginative, open, spectacular lives GBs are living.

HOW DO YOU CHOOSE A GB?
They are the kind of women — always — that make me say: I WANNA BE HER. They are SAGES...not saints. And they’re all excellent drinking pals ...

ANYTHING ELSE?
Yes. I want to see age fear mongering and rigidity about our ROLES as women of all ages become a thing of the past in my lifetime. Talk about glorious ... It's such horseshit that our culture tries to dictate that older women can't be smokin' hot, or cool, or on top of their game. That's not my experience, and not the experience of so many of the GBs I meet. It's about being yourself, myself, my true, weird, wonderful self and seeing where that goes. And where it goes is all over the place, but FAR from ageist stereotypes of the mild mannered, useless ol' lady. So fuck that. And cheers to Glorious Broads everywhere — self included!

Maryjane is on her 5th reinvention. But who’s counting? She was a designer, published author, now an editor, writer, future playwright, future sculptor – and the list goes on  … For now she primarily enjoys her brainchild, Glorious Broads, and  can't wait to see where it leads her — and us …